Surviving A Brain Tumor

                    Let me say, in all modesty, that I’m a good writer. In fact I’ve written four novels, all which have been bestsellers.

          So I was pretty nonchalant when I turned on my computer to finish my new manuscript which was due to Warner Books in eight months. I hadn’t worked on it in weeks, so I re-read my last chapter to ensure continuity.

          After one page I screamed: “I’ve never read anything so boring in my life!”

          And when I tried writing a new chapter I came up empty of ideas.

          Had I suddenly been plunged into the Twilight’s Zone?

         Worse, I soon found out. I’d developed a brain tumor.

          I’d already been to the doctor complaining because I hadn’t dreamt in weeks -- and I always had such interesting dreams! Many times they inspired my novels.

          The doctor gave me a check-up then said nothing was wrong with me. Maybe I just wasn’t remembering my dreams anymore. Not unusual he said to me. Bullshit, I said to myself.

          But now things were worse – my creativity was gone. I returned to the doctors but again he said nothing was wrong.

          Months later, when I started having seizures, he finally ordered an MRI.

          The tumor was located on my left frontal lobe – the area that arranges words and concepts into new patterns, in effect allowing us to think of new things to say. This is essential for a writer. It was also probable that the tumor caused my inability to remember dreams

          I was more aggravated then depressed. It was January, my manuscript was due in May, and I’d only written 25,000 words of what was supposed to be a 68,000 word novel. I scheduled the brain surgery for June and called my publisher to get an extension – praying I’d be able to write soon after the operation.

          Let me say that in retrospect I realize I didn’t consider the possibility of dying but instead focused on my life after the surgery. It was my way of coping.   I had the operation on June 29^th, and thank God they got everything out and a biopsy showed the tumor was benign. I was home recuperating by July 5^th. On July 10^th I had my first dream. By August 14^th I gave my publisher a juicy 78,000 word manuscript.

          The operation was a success, and so was I.

          Afterwards I sat down and really focused on all that had happened. I could have died. My daughter could have been an orphan. And not because of something I smoked or ate – science still can’t pinpoint the cause of brain tumors.

          But one thing I’ve learned is to trust my instincts, and push harder a lot sooner when I believe something is amiss. Had I done so the tumor would have been diagnosed sooner. A lesson learned late, but learned well.

         

         

written by Karen E. Quinones Miller